Mystery
Friday, May 28, 2004
Three weekends ago someone stole all three of our team’s drinks trays. This has meant that when I have gone for drinks I have put me and my bits at risk of scalding by having to use an upturned box lid. Today, this act of theft was aggravated when whichever thieving bastard stole them had the gall to put one of the trays in the skip that has been placed under our window for “Tidy Out Friday”. I am very angry. If you’re gonna nick our stuff don’t rub our noses in it! The fact that someone steals a drinks tray indicates that there are some cretinous gits with dubious moral standards in this office. I will make it my mission to uncover these felons (although I think I may have to enlist the help of Detective Kate who actually managed to rescue the tray from the skip – class).
Author: HotPhil » Comments:
Moving!!!!!
Tuesday, May 25, 2004
No, not us – next door. Next door put their house on the market at the end of last week. Since then they’ve been very busy showing what seems like an endless stream of people round. This means we’ll get new neighbours. I hope they are nice and want to go halves on a wireless network and broadband...
When I get home tonight I’ll do a link to all the estate agent details etc. First though, I need to do some airbrushing so as not to publish enough information for anyone to find out too much information about me! After all, identity theft is the fastest growing crime in the UK.
If you are reading this and thinking of stealing my identity, please note that I shred ALL paper and card before carefully disposing of it in the Blue Bin (not sure if the electricity used to shred the stuff is less than that saved by recycling it after, but hey-ho). The consequence of this is that you will have to wade through all the shreds of junkmail and beef burger boxes before getting to the shreds of useful stuff that you would then have to painstakingly reconstruct. If you are determined enough to do this, I would be grateful if you could arrange to purchase the following for me on your fraudulently-obtained credit and have it delivered to me (in addition to anything else you order for yourself):
two iPods
laptop
hard drives (the bigger and faster, the better)
digital camera
kitten(s) (including vouchers for all jabs and 36 months insurance)
new car (nothing too flash that may arouse suspicion, make sure it's a convertible though)
two tickets to Australia for a fortnight (flying from Manchester if poss)
5 mixed cases of wine
any other stuff that you think I may enjoy
Much obliged...
Author: HotPhil » Comments:
New Poll
Tuesday, May 18, 2004
OK. Poll now closed. Apparently I do need to buy a new camera and this may well happen in time for our holiday to Italy at the end of August.
So, we have a new poll. Again, something that may have to be bought in time for holiday - which MP3 player to buy?
Apple iPod Mini - my personal choice, but delayed in the UK due to the American demand (I want a blue one with a comedy engraving on the back - suggestions welcome, and an iTrip)
Creative MuVo2 (4Gb) - same hard drive as the iPod mini, different manufacturer. Available now. Can't have an iTrip though
Apple iPod - I'll go with whichever model is the cheapest around at the mo - have seen that a few of the 15Gb's are still knocking around at quite good prices. Obviously iTrip needed as well.
Author: HotPhil » Comments:
No amusement
The Sheffield Forum is currently offline. Looks like I'm gonna have to go outside this lunchtime.....
Author: HotPhil » Comments:
Towels
Monday, May 17, 2004
High drama this afternoon: the paper towel dispensers have been removed from the gents and the ladies. Rumours are rife – two of the main threads are; “it’s to cut costs” and “they are to be upgraded”.
Several points emerge from these discussions. Here are some of them:
Surely the cost savings are minimal when you factor in project management , labour to remove them, increased electricity as we use the hand drier, lost productivity because the hand drier takes longer?
It has been speculated that a squirrel that has lost interest in it’s nut-gathering career, attended a special New Deal course in “Breaking wind to the Customer’s Satisfaction” and thence sought employment in the Washroom Hygiene industry, would in all probability, be more effective than our current electric hand drier
Where will we get suitable paper things to clean our desks/monitors/car windscreens and rest our bacon sandwiches on?
Will the sustained forests, from which the towels undoubtedly came, now become unsustainable as no one is felling the trees?
Is it worth washing hands?
Can paper towel dispensers be upgraded? Are they retro-fitted with bottle-top openers? If so, why?
It will now take at least twice as long to block the toilets if we are forced to attempt it with ordinary toilet tissue.
What are we going to do the next time my spilt coffee runs slowly across the desk towards the PC’s power supply? Will I simply have to watch as a blue flash and bang render my PC useless?
Will keep you updated......
Author: HotPhil » Comments:
Excellent Weekend
Tasks included:
Spring-clean cellar
Edge the lawn
Clean inside of fridge (outside done last week)
Put up towel rail/loo roll holder in bathroom
Wash car
Clean and weed-kill patio
Scan image of Mars Delight into PC
Pick up hoover from being repaired and use it throughout house
Avoid Eurovision
Tasks achieved:
Beer and curry Saturday night
Sit in easy chair in sunshine (yes, 20+ degrees in Sheffield in May!) on Sunday
BBQ Sunday evening
During the evenings this week I will be mostly doing chores…..
Author: HotPhil » Comments:
Elvis
Saturday, May 15, 2004
The "King's" image seems to be being associated with the promotion of just about anything these days, but this is the strangest I've seen so far.....
Author: HotPhil » Comments:
Think BT are bad?
This complaint letter suggests that the grass isn't always greener.....
Author: HotPhil » Comments:
Best Inventions
Tuesday, May 11, 2004
Next door's dog has been quiet of late. I only noticed last night when chatting to the guy next door when the dog was nearby. You see, the dog had a small box attached to his collar, about the size of a packet of cigarettes. I was amazed as my neighbour explained that it's sound-activated, every time the dog barks is sprays a mist of lemon-scented stuff in his face (the mutt, not my neighbour). This, understandably, discourages the dog from barking more than once.
It was only a little later that I started to see the greater potential of this genius device. Without wishing to give too much away (or upset anyone unduly), I'll just give you a few clues of my suggestions to the manufacturer:
a) bigger collar
b) linked to Sky's Personal Planner
c) instead of triggered by barking, triggered by "who's that?", "what's he been in?", "this plot is soooo transparent", "give me the remote", "I want to watch Angel/that rom-com now" and other key phrases
Author: HotPhil » Comments:
Confectionery Review 3
Monday, May 10, 2004
Manufactuer: Masterfoods
Product: Mars Delight
Manufactuer's Description: "Surprisingly crispy, delciously smooth"
Fat per 40g pack: 14.0g
Calories per pack: 222
Picture to follow later today, although whether or not you'll be able to see it is another matter (ISP and firewall issues today).
EDIT - here's a pic:
Had one of these a couple of weeks back but forgot to save the wrapper and do a review, but today the trolley lady at work brought some of these round, so here goes:
"Surprisingly crispy, deliciously smooth" eh? Sounds a bit like a Kinder Bueno. The classy, light coloured wrapper contains two rippled bars (like a Bounty). Each bar actually feels quite weighty and solid, hinting at a possible luxuriousness - and for 50p a pack (trolley lady price ,not sure of the "street" value) they had better be good!
First bite takes you into gorgeous Mars chocolate, through a crispy wafer and into the caramel cream stuff and then out the other side. Heaven. Even though this tastes nothing like a normal Mars bar (one senses that the only thing "Mars" about it is a logo) everything here is right, the different textures and tastes melt together and swirl around on your tongue doing a graceful ballet that gently strokes every taste bud until your mouth is purring with delight. After swallowing the first bite, a craving sets in, you are left aching for more - wanting to chomp away at the remainder of the bar, eager to heighten the taste experience. Alas, all too soon you are at the end of the first bar, meaning that the next bite will have the greatest proportion of chocolate since the first bite, ending you on a high that can only be maintained by immediatley devouring the second bar.
Then it's over, your 50p's gone and so is the trolley lady. No more chocolate, no more happiness, 18 hours til she's back again ready to deal.......
Overall - 8/10 Wonderful, but 50p is a bit steep and there's nothing "Mars" about it (except the name).
Author: HotPhil » Comments:
Absence of Posts
I have not blogged for what seems like ages. No real reason for this – just had a bit of a hectic few days. Young Dan came to visit Sheffield on Saturday night to watch 22 over-paid lads jog round a bit of grass, diving to the floor anytime anyone came within 6 feet of them. Apparently, it was an important match and his preferred team won, which means they go up a division. Afterwards we all went to the Ball and had one of those evenings where we got drunk “by mistake” – you know the ones where you don’t intend to have too much, then find yourself in a kebab shop trying to persuade the girlfriend that anything with chilli and onion is good. She won and I wasn’t allowed my late-night snack of choice. Sunday was a write-off that saw me on the sofa, snoozing through the Grand Prix drinking lots of weak orange squash. Alas, Jane was in much more of a state having not realised that every G&T she had throughout Saturday night was a double, essentially she drank nearly half a bottle…..and knew about it on Sunday.
Will wait to see how I did in the Fantasy Formula 1 thing. Hopefully, not too badly but there is a chance Mr Briddon will overtake me.
So far, today has been a lesson in several things. The main points out of today are:
1) Don’t sleep on your shoulder so that it hurts so much you can’t shave, type or do anything remotely useful
2) Don’t turn up for work two hours early by mistake
3) When you’re the one who posted on the Sheffield Forum to remind people that the tram fares have increased, don’t forget that the tram fares have increased. This will only make you look foolish.
4) Don’t decide that it would be useful if every time your new firewall was having it’s ports scanned by someone trying to break in, it sent you an e-mail/text message combo. For when you turn on your mobile you will receive 52 text messages staggered over half an hour. And also a further 10 so far this morning.
Author: HotPhil » Comments:
Stuff
Wednesday, May 05, 2004
My, how busy I've been. No time for blogging!
I would have done a post at lunchtime today, but something was knackered internet-wise at work - it took my computer 38 minutes to load The Register which I usually like to have a quick look at during lunch. I thought it best to go and have a browse in the non-grocery aisle at Safeway/Morrison's.
A longer post to follow tomorrow, promise. Although, here's a little bit of info that may give a hint: New Mars "Delight".... nuff said?
Author: HotPhil » Comments:
